MATHS EXAM

DATE: 18th Feb 2011.
Today at 9o'clock I will have Maths Mid Semester Exam. It's duration will be 2 long Hours!!
I remember the day, three months ago i.e 21st Nov 2010 when I had Mathematics End semester Exam. That day, I think for the first time in my Life I thought I would FAIL in MATHEMATICS exam. For the First time!!!
I don't know what really happened to me at that moment, but I was sure i was not able to think anything. I mugged up all the formulas and went to the Exam Hall to see that I forgot EVERYTHING!!! I couldn't make out WHY?? I could do nothing. I wanted to Bring some or the other answer.. but a Answer which I couldn't bring. I started writing the question down on the paper, and I wanted to make an analysis of the question and write something. But I couldn't think anything. Harder I tried.. Tired I became. I couldn't make any thing out of the paper. I started feeling sleepy.!!! I started gaping at the walls and at my friends filling up the pages. I was sure I was gonna FAIL this exam!! I was afraid. Then I convinced myself.. I will have to attend summer Quarter( this is for the students who failed the semester exams). This took a little time. After a thought came to my Idle brain. if I as gonna Fail this exam then why was i siting in that Hall!!!
I wanted to stand up and walk out of the room. But my conscience said to wait. I was in a dilemma what to do. ??? I am boy who gives more preference to conscience than to anything. I don't why..but I do that!! So I was determined not to leave the Hall. I took hold of the pen, and started deriving the formula's myself. Deriving formula's was sure a though Job. But I didn't had any other way to take. I don't cheat exams.. that's what I am. Utilizing the time I at last I derived a formula... few questions can be now answered. I still didn't had any confidence I could pass this exam. I tried harder still I couldn't derive any other formula. I did sit the whole time of 3 hour( End sem exams r generally 3 hour ). Gave the paper, still convincing me I will attend Summer quarter.
All this time of 3 hours was something I would never forget in my life. Few moments later I noticed I was afraid in the examination hall because I was going to fail. I thought why did it create me the sensation of fear in my heart.?? Why?? Why does feeling of Failure in the examination create sensation of FEAR. !!! This shouldn't be a mystery..since it's my heart .. my mind..my feeling!!! Answers should be open to at least to me.
1) First fear that came to my mind was scolding I would be getting from my parents!!
They have a reason to scold me.and for I to listen. They had been wasting a lot of money for my studies. Though they care about my future than their money still!! If I am not able to get marks, where can I get a Job to live on my own feet. I was not able to live up to the expectations of my parents.I should have practiced more. I am no one to change the past. So I thought I should learn something and make sure I will always live up to their expectations. :) :)
2)If I think, from the next time I will live up to their expectations and would their anything I will fear for?? I couldn't make any other reason. I started feeling ashamed for being afraid of my own parents!

:( :(
:..(

I came to my hostel room. 6m x 6m room. I couldn't think for any think else.. I gave a call to my Mum, she said Hello,, I couldn't bear tears started flowing down my cheeks. I said my performance in today's exam was not good enough to talk abt. That's all I could talk, then my Mum said from my voice Sometimes it happens. Don't feel bad. Don't remember today's exam or your other exams might also go wrong.
I could say nothing or could she!! So she said she would with me later. It gave me a break. It had been a long time I have cried before, probably abt 2 long years.!!

Now that End sem Maths exams is Past. But memories are still New. These new memories were in my mind entering today's examination hall!!